Whenever we are indulged in a conversation, We somehow end up
on talking someone who is not present among us. It has rather become
something unavoidable as conversations become less interest without
backbiting. Backbiting! A term that should make a shiver in us, but
sadly it exists as a common matter where people fail to realise the
effect of it. Allah (SWT) says:
"O you who have believed, avoid much [negative]
assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite
each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when
dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is Accepting of
repentance and Merciful." (49:12)
Through this verse, we can understand the severity
pressured on backbiting. Will anyone of us like to eat the flesh of a
human being? Hearing upon these words will bring a feeling of nausea on
everyone. Allah has said that Backbiting is equal to cannibalism. Why
has He said so? Because backbiting can
cause very bad effects on an
individual, family, and even on a society. Sometimes it can lead to
vulnerable crimes. That's why Allah has requested His servants to avoid
backbiting by giving an example that is fair enough to understand its
effects upon mankind. The following Hadith will cleary express what
actually backbiting is:
'Do you know what is backbiting?' They (the Companions)
said: 'Allah and His Messenger (SAWS) know best. Thereupon he (the
Prophet (SAWS)) said: 'Backbiting implies your talking about your
brother (behind his back) in a manner which he does not like.' It was
said to him: 'What is your opinion about this that if I actually find
(that failing) in my brother which I made a mention of?' He (SAWS) said:
'If (that failing) is actually found (in him) what you assert, you in
fact backbited him, and if that is not in him it is a slander!.' (Muslim)
Why Backbiting?
Before knowing of how to avoid, it's
important to know why it happens. There is a reason behind everything,
but focusing on some will lead to a good understanding regarding the
matter. So first of all, let's see the five common reasons for
backbiting:
1. Jealousy:
This is the main reason which often lead
people to talk about others in their absence. Jealousy means envying on
someone's achievements and good reputation or it can be said as envying
on someone's favourable positions. So those who are jealous on someone,
will automatically start to find faults and they will be very much
interested in coveying them to others.
2. Annoyance:
If someone has done something wrong to a
person; instead of putting an end to it, he will make a huge outrage by
talking about all the ills of that particular one who has annoyed him.
He thinks that it is a kind of gratification, but fail to realise the
darkness clouding in him.
3. Amusement:
Some people are very engaged in talking
about the defects of someone in their absence to make others laugh. They
find this very interesting because the more they talk about, the more
people laugh without realising the real intentions of those who amuse.
4. Pleasure:
You won't be amazed because we know that
there are people who just find pleasure in discussing about the faults
of others. This is mostly done by people who find plenty of time to
spend for no reason. This is way too dangerous because they don't know
what they are talking about and the effects that could bring upon them.
Some even do not know with whom they are talking to!
5. Egotism:
People those who are influenced by egotism
which means that they are excessively conceited about themselves will
always find time to degrade others those who are around them. They will
be much satisfied to talk in their absence hoping that it would create a
negative impression in people to whom they talk. This is very unfair
and unfaithful at the same time.
How can we refrain from?
1. Fear Allah:
Whenever you are communicating with
someone, Remember that Allah is watching you. Remember what He has said
in Quran about Backbiting. Even if someone starts, you will hesitate to
proceed fearing that you gain Allah's wrath because of your unnecessary
involvement. At the same time, you should remind yourself that It will
not only drift you apart from Allah's Mercy, but will also get you
closer to the trap of Shaitan.
2. Fear Death:
What will happen if death strike at the
time when we are deeply in a conversation backbiting someone? Does
anyone like to meet such an end? Honestly none of us like it. So think
about this whenever you are into a conversation. Insha'Allah, this will
definitely help you to refrain from backbiting.
3. Make excuses:
We have always heard saying, 'Don't make
excuses!' but when you are thrusted into a group who are backbiting,
then simply make an excuse politely because you are not talking to an
individual, but a group which can create more conflicts. There's no need
to say much, and only a few words would suffice like: 'I am sorry, Have
to go.' Whenever you happened to be among such people, Do make excuses.
This will make them realise that you are not interested into such
conversations and soon they will come to know of what they are doing.
4. Make them realise:
If you happened to have such a
conversation with an individual, Tell them that you have nothing to do
with this and it's useless because it could not make an impact with the
person whom we are talking about. And make them realise the bad effects
that would bring both in this world and in the hereafter. This is the
best way to teach others and if you are bold enough to express this
among a group of people who are backbiting, then go ahead and make them
realise too.
5. Put yourself into his/her position:
At certain instances, backbiting may
interest you when talking to someone. On such a situation think about
yourself. How will it be if someone is backbiting you the same way?
Won't it hurt you? Won't you dislike it? Remind this when such
conversations interest you. It will not only help you to avoid, but also
will make you more humble and generous.
6. Repel evil with good:
This is also a best way to refrain from
backbiting and it will be more effective when you are among a group. You
can repel them by saying the good qualities of the person whom they are
backbiting. This would most probably make them feel guilty within them.
They would surely regret for talking this with you and would never come
to backbite hereafter. Even if you are to backbite someone, think about
the good qualities they have. This will put an end to your evil
thoughts.
7. Be Silent:
We are familiar with the saying, 'Silent
is Gold.' But have you ever thought why it is said so? Because it will
let all of us to be away from talking evil which is the best mode to
keep our hearts purified. Even Rasoolullah said to utter good words or
to be silent, but is silent enough? Some people nod on everything,
whether it is good or bad, that doesn't matter. They simply keep nodding
thinking that it won't be a sin. But remember, even a slightest gesture
which is shown in favour to backbiting is also included into the same
category. So we must be very aware of that too.
8. No one is perfect:
Before backbiting, make sure that you are
100% perfect. If not, take a pen, no matter wherever you are, and list
down your 10 defects. Look at your list and think of a way to rectify
them. This will eventually stop you from backbiting.
9. Be Sympathetic:
Whenever you hear about someone's fault,
feel sorry for them. Ask Allah to give them hidayat and thank Him for
keeping you away from such mistakes. This will surely lessen all the
evil thoughts which pave way for backbiting.
10. Don't go:
It is not an unusual thing to hear about
places which are specialised for backbiting. Specialised in the sense,
they would never even care if we make them realise what really
backbiting is. If you know such places or if you happened to come
across, then don't go. Avoid as much as you can because environment can
greatly create an impact within us.
Any Exceptions?
Yes, In any of the following situations, it is permissible to talk about someone's defects in their absence:
1. To advise: If you wanted
to get information from a scholar regarding a person's matter to give
him advice, then you can tell about him without mentioning his name.
2. To reclaim: If a person has caused injustice to you, then you can complain about the person to someone in order to reclaim your rights.
3. To help: If you see a
person committing sin, then you can tell it to someone with the
intention to stop him from committing that particular sin.
4. To identify: So as to identify a person, you can tell about him to someone.
5. To warn: It is permissible to warn about someone who is bringing a bad effect to society. For example: Thief.
Conclusion
Now we know what backbiting is and how
evil it is to backbite someone. So let's avoid and try to correct
ourselves first, so that we can inspire others too, Insha'Allah.
'When I was taken up to heaven I passed by people who
had nails of copper and were scratching their faces and their breasts.' I
asked: 'Who are these people, O Jibrael?' He replied: 'They are those
who were given to backbiting and who aspersed people's honour.' (Abu Dawood)
